In today’s world, the pressures of modern life often leave families struggling with challenges. Relationships between couples, instead of being nurtured and approached with understanding, frequently give way to self-centeredness, and both parents and children become victims of these unresolved conflicts. Rather than returning to the peaceful guidelines of our Deen, many are drawn into behaviors that hurt their children, particularly parental alienation. This issue not only scars the children involved but also affects their future ability to connect with their parents, their emotional well-being, and their relationship with Allah.
The Roots of Parental Alienation: Material and Legal Interests
Parental alienation is often driven by material or legal motives. One spouse may use court systems to make exaggerated or false claims to gain leverage in custody battles or secure long-term financial benefits. While these tactics may yield short-term victories, they cause long-lasting emotional harm to children. Even worse, children may be convinced by one parent that the other doesn’t care about them or has neglected their responsibilities. This dynamic becomes an unfortunate tool in power struggles between the spouses, with devastating consequences for the children involved.
Conflict in the Marriage as a Catalyst
It’s not only legal and materialistic interests that lead to parental alienation. Conflicts between husbands and wives sometimes evolve into battles for emotional control. One parent might feel that the only way to win the children’s affection or loyalty is by alienating the other parent. By painting the other parent in a negative light, the alienating parent sows distrust, anger, and resentment, undermining the child’s natural bond. In Islam, this is a gross violation of the sacred responsibility to raise children with love and justice.
Impact on Children’s Emotional and Psychological Development
Parental alienation can lead to severe emotional and psychological damage for children. In the short term, they may develop anxiety, depression, or even turn to substance abuse as a coping mechanism. Children often struggle to adjust to the realities of life and may rebel, running away from home or causing long-term challenges for their parents. Their academic performance may suffer, and they often experience difficulties in forming healthy relationships in the future, including their own marriages.
Long-Term Scars on Children’s Hearts
The long-term impact of parental alienation is profound. The damage to the parent-child relationship can be nearly irreversible. Alienated children may grow up with deep-rooted resentment and confusion about their own sense of worth. They carry these emotional wounds into adulthood, affecting not only their relationship with their parents but also their connection to Allah. Islam places tremendous importance on the kindness to parents, and this essential bond is what parental alienation seeks to destroy.
The Islamic Perspective: Rights of Parents and Children
In Islam, the family is a sacred unit, and both parents and children have specific rights and responsibilities. Parental alienation directly violates the child’s right to maintain a loving relationship with both parents and the parents’ responsibility to raise their children with Islamic values. The mother, often spending more time with the children, plays a crucial role in nurturing respect for both parents. A balanced approach, where both parents are seen as valuable, is necessary for healthy child development. When children grow up seeing positive dynamics between their parents, they are more likely to develop into compassionate and responsible individuals.
Examples of Alienation’s Harm
Controlling behavior is often at the root of alienation. For example, one spouse might psychologically or physically force the other out of the family home, creating a false narrative of abandonment. This leads children to believe their other parent no longer loves or cares for them, which erodes their respect and love for that parent. Additionally, teenagers affected by alienation are more prone to run away or disconnect from their families, which often spirals into a lifelong pattern of estrangement and mistrust.
The Importance of a Righteous Child
As Muslims, we know that when we leave this life, nothing will benefit us except three things, one of which is a righteous child who will pray for us. Parental alienation damages this vital relationship, leaving the child disconnected from both their parents and their Deen. The result is that parents, alienated from their children, may miss out on one of the greatest blessings in the Hereafter.
Conclusion: Healing Begins with Understanding
Parental alienation is a silent trauma, one that often goes unnoticed until it’s too late. As a community, we must return to the values of Islam, understanding the sacredness of the parent-child relationship, and rejecting any behavior that threatens to destroy this bond. Through forgiveness, empathy, and justice, we can begin to heal these wounds and ensure that our children grow up knowing the love and guidance of both their parents, as well as their Creator.
By
Imam ayman taher a registered psychotherapist (RP)
Al Iman Family Services (AIFS)
https://aifs.ca
