In Islam, the family is viewed as a cornerstone of society, where each member plays a vital role. The Qur’an and the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ offer profound insights into these roles, emphasizing a balanced partnership between men and women.

One key concept is “qiwamah,” where men are described as “قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ” in the Qur’an:

“الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَى بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنْفَقُوا مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ”

(Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means.)

[Surah An-Nisa, 4:34]

This role is not about authoritarian control but involves profound psychological and emotional dimensions, such as providing emotional support, stability, and nurturing a sense of security.

From a psychological perspective, “qiwamah” can be seen as fostering a sense of security and stability within the family unit. Research in family psychology highlights that defined family roles contribute to emotional stability and well-being. When individuals understand their roles, it reduces family conflict and fosters a supportive environment (Cummings & Davies, 2010).

The Role of Men as Qawwamun

The verse outlines two key reasons for this responsibility:

1. “بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَى بَعْضٍ” (Because Allah has given one more (strength) than the other)
   
   This indicates that men are entrusted with leadership in the family as a responsibility rather than an honor. Leadership here involves emotional intelligence, the ability to provide guidance, and fostering a nurturing environment. Psychological studies associate effective leadership with better emotional and social outcomes in family settings (Belsky, 2019).
   
2. “وَبِمَا أَنْفَقُوا مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ” (And because they support them from their means)
   
   Financial provision is another responsibility of men. Financial stability within families is shown to reduce stress and improve mental health. A clear understanding of financial roles enhances family cohesion and reduces conflicts (Conger et al., 2010).
   

In practice, these roles often manifest in different financial perspectives. Women may focus on beautifying the home and enjoying the present, while men might prioritize long-term savings and investments. This complementarity provides an opportunity for balanced decision-making.

However, in Western societies like Canada, confusion sometimes arises when financial benefits such as child tax credits are issued in the mother’s name. Such instances require families to communicate openly and collectively align financial decisions with Islamic principles.

The Complementary Role of Women

The verse continues to describe the role of women, emphasizing their essential contributions:

“فَالصَّالِحَاتُ قَانِتَاتٌ حَافِظَاتٌ لِلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ اللَّهُ”

(So righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah would have them guard.)

[Surah An-Nisa, 4:34]

This part highlights three critical traits:

1. Salihat (صالحات): Women who are conscientious and virtuous, ensuring their actions align with the family’s welfare. In psychological terms, conscientiousness correlates with responsibility and reliability, contributing to a stable and supportive home (Costa & McCrae, 1992).
   
2. Qanitat (قَانِتَاتٌ): Women who are submissive to their roles, not in subjugation, but in respecting the leadership of the man. Family systems theory indicates that clearly defined roles reduce conflict and foster cooperation (Minuchin, 1974).
   
3. Hafizat lil-ghayb (حَافِظَاتٌ لِلْغَيْبِ): Women who protect the family’s resources and honor in the absence of their husbands. Financial trust strengthens marital relationships, as supported by studies on financial management in families (Gudmunson & Danes, 2011).

This balance reflects a spiritual and psychological equilibrium. While men lead and provide, women nurture and safeguard the family, creating a harmonious and thriving environment.

Practical Implications

From a psychosocial perspective, fostering this balance requires:

1. Open Communication: Families should discuss responsibilities to ensure shared understanding and reduce conflict.
2. Shared Goals: Aligning financial and family objectives strengthens relationships and reduces stress.
3. Counseling and Education: Pre-marriage counseling helps couples understand their roles and foresee challenges, promoting harmony.

Conclusion

When men and women fulfill their respective roles with compassion and understanding, they reflect the wisdom of Islamic teachings. This balance not only strengthens families but also fosters emotional and spiritual well-being, benefiting society at large.

References

Belsky, J. (2019). The Determinants of Parenting: A Process Model. Guilford Press.

Conger, R. D., Conger, K. J., & Martin, M. J. (2010). Socioeconomic Status, Family Processes, and Individual Development. Journal of Marriage and Family, 72(3), 685–704.

Cummings, E. M., & Davies, P. T. (2010). Marital Conflict and Children: An Emotional Security Perspective. Guilford Press.

Costa, P. T., & McCrae, R. R. (1992). Revised NEO Personality Inventory (NEO-PI-R) and NEO Five-Factor Inventory (NEO-FFI) Professional Manual. Psychological Assessment Resources.

Gudmunson, C. G., & Danes, S. M. (2011). Financial Management and Quality of Life: A Family Perspective. Journal of Family and Economic Issues, 32(4), 431–439.

Minuchin, S. (1974). Families and Family Therapy. Harvard University Press.