Marriage is a sacred bond in Islam, designed to foster love, compassion, and mutual respect. The Qur’an beautifully describes spouses as garments for one another, emphasizing the need for support and protection. However, when controlling behaviors emerge within a marriage, they can create an unhealthy dynamic that pushes one partner to withdraw from family life, ultimately leading to parental alienation.
Controlling behavior may manifest in various ways. Psychologically, one partner may restrict the other’s freedom, monitor their activities, or make unilateral decisions without consideration for their feelings. Physically, a controlling spouse might force their partner out of the family home, further isolating them from their children and deepening the sense of alienation. These actions erode the controlled partner’s sense of self-worth, causing emotional and physical disengagement from the family. This withdrawal creates a vacuum where parental alienation can take root, impacting the children’s relationships with both parents.
Islam places great emphasis on the rights of parents and the duty of children to show respect and kindness. In Surah Al-Isra, verse twenty-three, believers are reminded to treat their parents with utmost goodness. Parental alienation disrupts this essential bond, making it difficult for children to form healthy connections. When children grow up feeling disconnected from one parent, it can lead to confusion, resentment, and emotional distress, impacting their spiritual development as well.
The Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, taught that “The best of you are those who are best to their families.” This message highlights the shared responsibility of both husbands and wives in nurturing a loving environment. While fathers are called to exhibit kindness and respect, mothers also play a vital role in instilling values in their children. Children are naturally more connected with their mothers, who often spend more time with them. This connection underscores the importance of the mother’s role in nurturing respect for parents and embedding Islamic values in the hearts and minds of children. The significance of motherhood is underscored in the Qur’an, where it says, “Her womb bears her in hardship upon hardship.” This emphasizes the dedication and sacrifices mothers make.
Moreover, the Prophet’s emphasis on the importance of mothers is clear when he repeated, “Your mother, your mother, your mother.” This reflects the immense respect and honor afforded to mothers in Islam, recognizing their crucial role in shaping the family dynamic and the values children carry into adulthood.
Simultaneously, it is important for women to remain devoted to their families and loyal to their husbands. Encouraging harmony and partnership in parenting is essential for fostering a nurturing environment where children feel secure and loved. When both parents model positive dynamics and show mutual respect, children learn to value and respect both parents, fostering their emotional well-being.
Controlling parents may inadvertently push for parental alienation without realizing the impact of their actions. Children often feel torn between parents, internalizing negative messages about the alienated parent. This confusion can lead to emotional burdens that affect their future relationships.
To foster a healthier family dynamic, both mothers and fathers must recognize their roles in shaping their children’s perceptions. Encouraging open communication, modeling kindness, and maintaining a united front can help mitigate the risk of parental alienation. By embodying the values of love and respect, parents provide a strong foundation for their children to develop healthy relationships with both parents and their Creator.
In conclusion, addressing controlling behaviors and promoting a nurturing environment is crucial for the well-being of the family. By aligning their actions with Islamic values, both husbands and wives can create a harmonious home where children learn the importance of respect, love, and kindness, ultimately fostering healthy relationships throughout their lives.
By Imam ayman taher a registered psychotherapist (RP)
